It’s National Walking Month but don’t be fooled by all those Instagram sunsets and bluebell woods enticing you to ‘visit Wales’. If you’re thinking of coming over for a spot of hiking, honestly – don’t bother*. It’s a horrible place to go walking, and here’s why:
1. The sun never shines in Wales
Wales is renowned for its rain and with good reason; it hasn’t stopped in Bethesda since 1993. Don’t believe those hearty types who say there’s no such thing as the wrong weather, only the wrong clothing; they’ve clearly never lost a hiking boot – along with their dignity and sense of humour – in a bleak Pumlumon bog.
2. The locals are really rude
Just take this fella; downright aggressive. After a Paddington-worthy hard stare, he just turned his back on us and refused to move (well, until his mum came along and sorted him out. Phew, it was dead scary for a minute there).
3. You’ll never understand the road signs
And we’re not talking about the Welsh language signs here, they’re easy (what’s not to understand about Bannau Brycheiniog?). No, try setting this one from a ‘helpful’ Carmarthenshire artist against your OS map and making it back to the campsite before dusk. You’ll have the mountain rescue out faster than you can say Llanfairpwllgwyngyll-gogerychwyrndrobwll-llantysiliogogogoch.
Photo: Wales News Service / BBC Wales
4. It’s the least dog-friendly place in the UK
If you’re planning long walkies in Wales with your pooch, we should probably warn you we’re not too keen on dogs. We absolutely won’t go out of our way to make them comfortable, so it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie… on the other side of the Severn, preferrably.
5. The trails are much better in the Lake District
* This blog may or may not have been written by an author currently working on a book of quiet walks who definitely doesn’t want ‘other people’ interrupting the view.